How do you cope when your libido falters?
Hi there, it’s Tabitha here, Ruby Glow inventor. I wanted to pop by and just explain why there’s not been much action on this blog of late… this is a bit of a personal post and might be TMI so feel free to pass 😊 please also be aware that some links shown go to sites where you have to be over 18 (or above the age of consent where you are) to view.
I’ve been struggling with low libido since a motorbike accident in July. I am very much a glass brimming over kinda gal so am pleased to say whilst I did get bad injuries and my bike is written off, I’m here to tell the tale. One thing that left me sad is that the tour I’d been planning for years, called the RideOn RideOn tour to promote the new Ruby Glow Blush (don’t worry, you guys will be the FIRST to know more!) has had to be cancelled as I can no longer ride.
Anyway, another big dent (apart from the one my pelvis made in the fuel tank) has been to my sex drive and sexual pleasure bringing with it, low libido. For eight weeks after the crash I had no sexual sensation at all which was starting to worry me a lot. Being in the sexual pleasure industry means feel like I really need to be feeling that part of me to stay motivated and buoyant. I’ve been through dips in libido before but the lack of sensation was new.
Of course my friends and doctors told me to be patient—but to me, this felt like a long time not to feel desire or arousal.
My wrist was severely smashed and yes, it is my sexy time hand :D so very lucky for me that I have several Ruby Glows at my disposal. Having had arthritis in the past, I know how important hands free, or easy to operate sex toys are, so at least that’s a tick!
I tried to watch porn and read erotica—one or two did arouse my mind but my body was just numb.
I know from personal experience, and talking to people that sex drive and desire is something you have to work at, and sometimes it can feel easier to just let that side of you slip away. Orgasms have always been a big part of my life and I love them for all sorts of reasons, mood lifting, satisfaction, intimacy, releasing awesome hormones, itching that scratch… so to let that go felt like I was grieving.
So, out of nowhere around a fortnight ago, I got that tingly feeling. At the risk of looking like an advertorial, I grabbed my prototype. (Yes I know how lucky I am but you can get one soon, I promise! :D) It is easy to use in my non-dominant hand and is super lightweight. I popped on a favourite erotic film from ethical porn site FrolicMe—and allowed the sexy feelings to wash over me. It was a very emotional moment. It took all my concentration and effort to stay in the aroused zone to the point where it almost tripped into simply a mechanical mission, but I really felt I needed to make sure I could still get there.
An orgasm came and many tears too. It was like greeting an old friend. Such pent-up fear that I’d lost it all.
And then it slipped away again. Like a tide retreating. My libido has also retreated, it swells occasionally which gives me hope but I’m just not as hungry to capture it just yet. Like knowing it’s out there somewhere and I’ve proved that is enough for now...
I guess the point of this post is that we all (even erotic writing, sex toy designers) lose our sex drive and suffer low libido sometimes, but while I’m not really offering ‘advice’, I think that if you keep the thought of your sexual pleasure in your mind, and let yourself nurture it when you can, it will gently come again.
Here’s my tips if you want to fire up (or at least set the kindling for) your sex drive.
1—Be patient with yourself… (she says… I know easier said than done)
2—When you feel the inkling of arousal, capture the moment—if you can. Grab a toy, pop on a saucy film, read a sexy story… if this is not possible, try your best to hold that thought/feeling. Make space for it in your mind where it can take hold and grow.
3—Make time for yourself where you prioritise thinking about your pleasure. It can feel strange, but schedule a bubble bath and bring along your favourite sensual boosters. Maybe a scented candle that reminds you of a sexy moment—or a delicious chocolate you can let melt in your mouth and savour. Tiny simple things to awaken your sensual side.
4—Touch yourself elsewhere. Take the pressure off and keep your hands above your waistline. Explore your erogenous zones like your inner elbow, or just behind your ear.
5—Listen to some audio erotica. This way you don’t have to be holding a book or watching a screen, you can simply close your eyes and let the words nestle into your erotic mind.
These are some of the things that I do when I have low libido, and don’t necessarily result in an orgasm, or even sexual experience, but at least they are keeping my sensuality in my conscience.
I’d be delighted to hear your tips so do comment if you have anything positive and kind to pass on.
Lots of love
Tabitha x x