Well hello! And happy Pride Month :)
For our first blog since, Know Your Vulva, please welcome the amazing Amy Norton who has written us a lovely guide about self pleasure being good for you on so many levels - including your mental health.
How to Feel Yourself When You’re Not Feeling Yourself
It’s no secret that a lot of people are struggling with mental health at the moment. Over a year of living through the pandemic combined with economic insecurity, political unrest, and everything else that’s happening in the world means that depression, stress, and lethargy are at an all-time high.
Masturbation can be incredibly healing and restorative. If you masturbate at least semi-regularly, you’ll know how great you feel after a good session. But what if you’re struggling to get into the zone because of how you’re feeling?
Here are four useful tips to help you get back into the self-pleasure groove when you’re not feeling at your best.
See it as self-care
Because it is!
Think about the other things that make you feel good. Perhaps you make time for a hot bath, a yoga practice, coffee with a friend, or cooking healthy meals because you know these things are good for you. Try viewing masturbation in the same way.
It’s not frivolous or unnecessary. For most of us, sexual pleasure is a key component of living a happy and fulfilled life. So stop seeing self-pleasure as an optional extra, and start viewing it as a necessary part of your self-care routine.
Remove the focus from orgasm
Orgasms are great! But if you put too much pressure on yourself to “get there,” you make it even less likely to happen.
But masturbation is fun and good for you even if it doesn’t end in orgasm. So what if you focused on pleasure without making orgasm the goal? Touch yourself however feels good, for as short or long a time as you want to. If you come, great! If you don’t, you still enjoyed some self-pleasure and got those happy brain chemicals flowing.
Mix it up
“A change is as good as a rest,” as the saying goes. Try getting back into your self-love routine by trying something new. Buy yourself a new sex toy, try reading some erotic fiction or watching some porn, or experiment with masturbating in a different position.
You can also try different ways of touching yourself. Go faster or slower than normal, mix up the pressure (or the vibrator speed,) or touch parts of your body that you usually don’t. Trying new things makes masturbation into a fun self-experiment rather than a chore.
Make yourself feel sexy
What makes you feel like your sexiest self? Maybe it’s a long shower so you feel completely clean, a new haircut, breaking a sweat in the gym, taking some nude pictures, or putting on your sexiest lingerie. Or something else entirely!
Whatever it is that makes you feel beautiful or sexy, take some time in your week to do that. When you feel good about yourself, you’ll be more able to tap into your sexual side.
Remember: masturbation isn’t therapy
Wanking is awesome! But it’s not a substitute for robust mental health support. If your stress, depression, or other symptoms persist for more than a short time, see a suitable professional such as a doctor or therapist.
And remember: this too shall pass.
Bio: Amy Norton (she/her) is a sex blogger, kink educator, and adult product reviewer. She blogs at Coffee & Kink and her work has also appeared in places including Frolic Me, Girl on the Net, Lovehoney, Sex Tech Guide, and more. Follow her on Twitter @CoffeeAndKink.
I am extra delighted to have Amy join us here at Ruby Glow as she was one of the very first sex bloggers to review the original Ruby Glow! I can't tell you the the tears of joy that were shed when I read her words - it's quite a thing to put something out into the world that you know gives *you* and your product testers pleasure, but to wait to see if anyone else likes it is one of the most surreal and stressful things I've ever encountered! So please do read this very comprehensive review if you are wondering about investing in a Ruby Glow of your own. It is for the original model but the current Ruby Glow Dusk is pretty much the same just with slightly stronger vibrations and a deeper plummy colour.
Lots of love, oh, and remember to Feel Yourself x x x